Neo-Nazi Go to the Dogs!

13 Months Imprisonment for Being Feebleminded

Roland T. suffered severe brain damage during an accident in 1995. Ever since, he has been provoking his environment with wild but harmless threats, running around in Berlin, Germany, with his right arm stretched out, shouting “Sieg Heil” and “Heil Hitler.” He even taught his dog Adolf to lift his right paw when he shouts the command “make the salute!” Now he has been sentenced to 13 months imprisonment on probation by the County Court of Berlin-Tiergarten. Being feebleminded is no excuse for the use of symbols to which German society reacts like a Pavlovian dog, the court argued (Tagesspiegel, February 6, 2004).

German Republic authorities in Berlin have released an explosive report that exposes a neo-Nazi plot to resurrect the Third Reich of Adolf Hitler.

According to the German State Attorney’s office in Berlin, a powerful Nazi underground based in Switzerland has been secretly training what the authorities termed a “huge army” of German Shepard dogs to give the dreaded and forbidden Nazi salute!

This is known as “Unternehmen Blondi” or Operation Blondi, a clever reference to Hitler’s own dog, and has been tracked by German law enforcement officers for nearly two years.

These brainwashed Nazi dogs have also been trained to urinate on synagogues and campaign posters for Chancellor Schröder as well as defecating in copious amounts on the steps of Israeli diplomatic offices throughout the Republic. German officials have also not discounted persistent rumors that parrots are now being trained in a secret Westerwald camp to shout out Hitler slogans, while innocent-appearing songbirds are being instructed in whistling the opening bars of the forbidden Nazi hymn, the Horst Wessel song. Our sources indicate that special American-trained democratic cats will be imported into Germany to counter the bird menace.

The year-long investigation has uncovered the fact that the leaders of this new and militant National Socialist movement are Guido K., a respected television director; Lother M., a high level member of the Bundestag; Karl R., an evangelical bishop from the Reeperbahn District in Hamburg; Marta G., writer of children’s sex-education books; and Manfred Z., an assistant attorney general and a director of a major Swiss bank.

German authorities have promised swift arrests in the Nazi-dog scandal and announced that many of the brain-washed animals that have been captured while giving the forbidden Hitler salute in public places will either be euthanized (by gas, of course! Not Zyklon B, though, as its expiration date is over) or retrained for what Berlin has called “Special Actions” against Turkish workers.

The rebels now have their own internet site called “Adolfbleibtreu” and keep in touch with their clandestine membership via so-called sex implement advertisements placed in Stern magazine.

Editor’s Remark

Of course, this is a satire – although the newspaper report about the poor feebleminded guy who got 13 months for threatening the German constitutional order and his dog with the loose right paw are REAL! Poor Germany!